I have been shocked, horrified, and had my heart smashed into pieces so many times reading these books and watching Game of Thrones that I have grown accustomed to the need to guard my heart. I have had to tell myself that these are not real people so if one that I love dies, I cannot grieve, at least not like I would over the loss of a real person or pet. A few tears are acceptable but I try not to let the tragic or shocking or sometimes, few and far between thank you, God moments--as if God cares???--- with this series invade my real life. "Protect your heart," I say to myself before each episode, or before reading the next chapter.
The Red Wedding was one of the greatest shocks I have ever experienced in literature or in film. I have read The Road, The Room, The Fault in Our Stars, Where the Red Fern Grows, Mockingjay--and I have cried. When I read The Red Wedding, I vomited, then I decided maybe it was all a dream, you know, like when Bobby died on Dallas, then I got angry at George R. R. Martin, the blank blank sadist--what is wrong with this vile man to think up such a horrible scene? Then I thought that maybe I could start a "let's give this author a re-write campaign," or maybe I will just pretend that the Red Wedding did not happen and keep on reading. Finally, I was just sad. I cried. I accepted. Reluctantly. Accepted. Beautiful Rob died. The King of the North. Dead. We are all going to die. Depression. Since then, I have come to expect that all of the characters I love the most will probably die. Protect your heart. Protect your heart. Don't let yourself be shocked again. I find myself trying to care about and succeeding even in almost loving characters I never thought I could--the Kingslayer, Varys, poor stupid Theon Greyjoy. Do not love, I tell myself. Protect your heart. Protect your heart. It's my mantra. I will not care enough again to feel depressed when the sadist rips the rug right out from under my feet.
Jon Snow is Luke Skywalker, Harry Potter, King Arthur, Atticus Finch... He's the underdog, the thrown away one, incredibly beautiful, with a beautiful-heart-to-match his beautiful self. He cares about the down-trodden, the nobodies, the ones rejected by everyone else. He's so damn admirable and lovely. Do NOT love him, I tell myself as I watch him teach his little sister to use a sword. Protect your heart. Protect your heart. Jon Snow fights for the rejected like Samwell. Protect your heart. Protect your heart. He's so damn noble. The noble die in this world, Jon Snow. Don't you know that? You know nothing, Jon Snow! Protect your heart. Protect your heart. Badass Jon Snow chopped off Janos Slynt's head. It's impossible not to love Jon Snow now--he's added badass to his repertoire. Protect your heart. Protect your heart. Jon Snow rejects the idea of taking back Winterfell and rejecting his vow to the Night's watch. "I swore a vow to the Night’s Watch. If I don’t take my own word seriously what sort of ‘Lord of Winterfell’ would I be?” he says to the completely lacking noble, King Stannis. How could he say such a noble, lovely, lovable thing? Protect your heart. Protect your heart. "He's absolutely going to rise from the dead," I said at the end of last season, book five, as if people/characters rise from the dead every day. Protect your heart. Protect your Heart. Prepare for the worst. I refused to cry. He rose again. I knew he would. Then, Sansa, a girl I have never quite loved, shows up. I've always secretly thought of her as Bitchy Sansa. I don't mean to be tacky but she is a little unlikable. I have grown to admire her and I certainly did not want her to be abused by evil Joffrey or evil Ramsay. Plus, I have always remembered how she treated Jon Snow in the beginning. Would he remember too? He embraces her. I cried. Protect your heart, stupid. No, I cried. I did. Damn. Damn. Dammit to hell!! I LOVE JON SNOW!! It's too late to protect my heart. I already care. Damn it!!
So, here is beautiful, noble, lovely, Jon Snow, the ultimate, manly, intelligent, stupid, lovable hero. Last night. About to die. We all knew that Rickon was going to die, all except, apparently, our gullible, magnificent, stupid, lovable hero, Jon Snow. Sansa did warn him. Don't you hate fore-shadowing? Shut up, bitchy Sansa. Let him save his brother. If anyone can, it will be this, this, this MAN. But no. Ramsay was going to play his little game. Sansa was right. She was right. NO! She was right. Jon, the beautiful hero falls into the trap and rides gallantly to try to save Rickon. There is still good in the world. Jon Snow represents all that is good, was good, will be good. He will certainly die trying to save his brother but the amazing thing is...it is worth it to him! He would die for the mere chance to save Rickon, his brother. Did you say that Rickon is not his real brother? To hell with you! Jon Snow says Rickon is his brother. Oh, no! I love this man! Are there any real men like this in the world? There was one 2000 years ago which is why I worship Him. But Jon Snow. My sweet, lovable, Jon Snow, is about to die.
His men show up at just the right second. Why wouldn't they? I wanted to be there to protect his back too, to sacrifice myself for him! Why wouldn't they also die for this noble man? They are all going to die. Together. Oh, close my eyes. Open them. Close them. Open. He's alive. He's about to die. He's alive. Oh. Ouch. Close them. Open. Close them. Amazing. Horrible. War is Hell. Yes. Yes, it is. Close my eyes. Trapped. Smothering. Did that red-headed guy just bite that other dude's face? Yes, he did!!!! Awesome. Dying. Crying. That's me, crying. NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOO!! Wait. Wait. Wait. He's breathing. But they are helplessly hopelessly relentlessly trapped. NO NO NO. Crying. Helpless.
Who is that? Little Finger? Sansa? Yay! I love you, bitchy Sansa! I'm sorry for thinking you were bitchy. Bad me. Must be more like Jon Snow! He's out of the pit. He is so bloody. He has fought so hard. How does he have any energy left? Now, I am praying. Please, God, let him kill Ramsay. This is just a television show, I tell myself. Not real. Not real. Not real. Aw, shut up and enjoy this.
Jon Snow is coming for you, Ramsay. You better run. He does. Oh, yay! Protect... SHUT UP! Still crying. Come on, Jon Snow. You've got this. Ramsay bolts the gate. Not a siege!!! Ugh. The giant breaks down the door. Good. The giant dies. Sorry, giant. Jon Snow advances. Coward Ramsay shoots arrows. Jon Snow easily intercepts with borrowed shield. Jon Snow has his hands on Ramsay now. Beating him. Beating. Beating. Yes! Not even closing my eyes. Go Jon. What a beating! Going to kill him with his bare hands. Stops. Sansa. Ah, well, he is noble. Going to let his sister finish Ramsay off. That's so nice. So damn sweet. So thoughtful. Did I mention that I love Jon Snow? Sansa's smile as she walks away from Ramsay being devoured by his own dogs. Chilling. In a good way. That was...earth shattering. Too late to protect my heart. I'm all in. Jon Snow for President. Of the World.